Grief is something that is often thought of as an emotional state that we can overcome, but this is perhaps too linear. Instead, grief can be thought of a process, something that does not necessarily have resolution.
There are different types of grief, including relational and mortality. Relational grief is a form of the nature of a relationship changing to the point that we miss what it once was. Mortality grief is similar, but the change to the relationship is that the person has died.
In other words, for relational grief, we are grieving over what we have lost. With death, we are grieving for the life the other has lost. In each case we are dealing with a form of loss.
This loss causes an emotional feeling of grief, but this emotion is part of the bigger grieving process. Humans like to convey processes as stories, creating a linear narrative that has a satisfactory resolution.
The process of grief is not so linear. It does not necessarily progress through phases, but rather appears as waves. One moment I can be completely fine, the next I am wracked by grief, overcome by the emotion that arises.
Realizing that grief is not something to be overcome, but is a journey into the unknown can, help cope with the unpredictability of waves of emotion that arise. It is something that gets better over time, but every person will have a different timeline, a different journey.
It is also possible that the grief never goes away. Removing grief is not the point. Instead, the goal is to make the grief manageable so that it no longer takes over your life.
That is not to say we should forget about the loss and push it from our mind. Instead, like the change in a relationship, we must come to terms with how our lives have changed as a result of the loss, and what that means for us moving forward.
I personally view grief as a sharp emotion that comes in waves, making it hard to find other things important. I lost my oma last week and it has been a tough journey to process in this short time.
I do not know where this path, this process of grief will take me over the coming months, and that is okay. I do not need to rationalize my feelings, for grief is something that is meant to be worked through, not solved.
As part of my process, I have been reflecting what this change in my life means, how I can use the pain of this loss to deepen the quality of my other relationships. It brings family closer together, allowing for sharing of thoughts and emotions that can strengthen bonds.
I can think back on good times I had with my oma and the rest of my family, bringing those memories to light again. In a way, she is not gone, but remains with me and my family so long as we maintain the memories we made together and the lessons we learned.
When faced with mortality, we can use it as an opportunity to put other things in life into perspective. We are reminded that our time on this earth is finite, and the so are the experiences we have left.
With self-reflection, this reminder can be used to help us prioritize what we want out of life. The experiences we want to have, the people we want to spend our time with.
Grief does not have to be the ending of the story, but can instead be a chapter that we learn from and bring with us for the rest of our lives.
When was the last time your reflected on what you value most in life, and how much of your time is actually spent towards those values?
If you found this helpful or interesting, I would love to hear your thoughts! The more we learn how this practice helps each of us, the more we can collectively improve. Please feel free to leave questions or comments below.
Continue reading about philosophy for troubled times with: Filling the Void.
Find the full list of mindful thoughts here.
